THE CANDYMAN CAN, BUT ROB ZOMBIE CAN'T

I fully intended to blog this week about Rob Zombie's "re-imagining" (God, do I hate that word, especially since it's so horribly misused) of HALLOWEEN, but I find that I just can't bring myself to write about it. I'm sure most of you have either already seen it or weren't planning on doing so anyway, so there's really no point. However, my soul cannot be at peace unless I get a few things off my chest.

First, I really thought that delving into the origin of Michael Myers's psychosis was a bad idea (actually, the entire enterprise reeked of BAD IDEA, but I digress). Movies like HALLOWEEN usually work because we don't know why so-and-so is a killer; in fact, John Carpenter even stated the reason Michael wore a plain white mask was to give the audience a blank slate onto which they can project their own fears. But since we're going to go into Michael's past, would it be too much to ask for Zombie to exercise just a teensy bit of imagination? Instead, Zombie decides to open the White Trash Stereotype Catalog and order one of everything. Let's see: asshole stepfather? Check. Standard-issue school bullies, complete with boys' room confrontation? Got it. Early "experiments" with household pets? Right here.

All of which builds up to the culimnation of Michael's psychosis--denied trick-or-treating by his hormonally-driven sister, li'l Mikey pouts on his front step while Mom works the pole to Nazareth's "Love Hurts" (yes, Rob, we know she's hot, but do you have to shorehorn it into every movie you do?)--a sequence that is not only appallingly stupid, but tells us that Zombie learned absolutely nothing from the godawful "Free Bird" ending of THE DEVIL'S REJECTS.

It was still far better than BALLS OF FURY.

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One of the few "horror actors" who DIDN'T have a cameo in HALLOWEEN was CANDYMAN star Tony Todd. I mention this only because yesterday I braved the torrential downpour to meet the hook-handed star at the Mill Creek Mall in Erie. Nothing really to talk about, it was your standard meet-and-greet, though it was fun to hear Todd talk shit on LEPRECHAUN star Warwick Davis. Todd was in town to promote his newest movie SHADOW PUPPETS, which screened in Erie last night (and which I missed due to work commitments, dammit).

During the Q&A, however, Todd announced plans to bring a film production (intended to be his directorial debut) to Erie, a character-driven, David Lynch-inspired story entitled "Eerie, PA." I'll definitely be keeping an ear out for any additional news; hopefully, there'll be a call for PA's or extras from the locals.