So this morning I show up for work, and as I climb the stairs to the projection booth I grab the Arrival schedule for the coming week. This is the list of what new films are coming in, their running times, what theater is playing what, showtimes, etc. I scan the list, curious as to what movies we're inflicting upon the general public.
My heart grows cold as I read the titles.
THE BOURNE ULTIMATUM (ok, I'm not too concerned about this one, since it might actually be good)
BRATZ (from the novel by Jane Austen)
HOT ROD (this looked promising until I saw the entire trailer)
UNDERDOG (a movie so bereft of humor that they repeat the same jokes in the trailer; are we really getting rid of RATATOUILLE for this?)
DADDY DAY CAMP ("Directed by Fred Savage"--insert your own joke here)
Can you hear that sound? It's the music from "The Omen," isn't it?
I can't help but feel like a low-level employee in the tobacco industry, or maybe a messenger for the Third Reich--not directly responsible for the ills unleashed upon the world, yet still a cog in the big evil machine that's created them. And right now you're probably saying, "Gee, Scott, overreact much, do you?", but then you probably haven't seen the teaser for the upcoming ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS movie.
So if you need me, I'll be under my desk praying for deliverance for us sinners. And if you happen to see a figure in black riding a seven-headed beast, be sure to tell him Tuesday ticket prices are $5 all day, free popcorn included with the price of admission.
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